FAKE FOOD

Website with lots of fake foods you can order and not eat.

SUPPER REVIEW: RED LOBSTER

I was feeling a bit bourgeois this evening so my ladywoman and I decided to dine at the world-famous LE RED LOBSTERE in La Mesa Towne. She ordered the "seafood gumbo," which turned out to be boiled chicken in some sort of dirt gravy. The gumbo was described in the laminated menu as including andouille sausage in it, but I guess their cuisine is so fancy that they employ techniques of "subtlety," because there was a singular little slice of sausage placed on top of the soup, no larger than a wild mushroom cap.

Obviously, we were left with no choice but to spit in our server's face and burn the restraunt to the ground. The blood-curdling screams of the other diners did get quite intense near the end of the horrible inferno, but I feel good having stuck up for the principle of the thing.

I ordered the Admiral's Feast, which is an assortment of various batter-fried sea meats served with a pathetic little pile of reheated vegetables (baby carrots and sauteed squash) that I could only imagine were unhappily ladled onto my plate from some neglected, lonely bucket in some stainless steel corner of the cook's quarters.

As expected, the bounty of deepfried shrimp and scallops were exquisite for the first three minutes, before suddenly becoming inexplicably disgusting.

The biscuits, however, were hot and fresh. Biscuits, you get an A+.