FAKE FOOD

Website with lots of fake foods you can order and not eat.

SUPPER REVIEW: RED LOBSTER

I was feeling a bit bourgeois this evening so my ladywoman and I decided to dine at the world-famous LE RED LOBSTERE in La Mesa Towne. She ordered the "seafood gumbo," which turned out to be boiled chicken in some sort of dirt gravy. The gumbo was described in the laminated menu as including andouille sausage in it, but I guess their cuisine is so fancy that they employ techniques of "subtlety," because there was a singular little slice of sausage placed on top of the soup, no larger than a wild mushroom cap.

Obviously, we were left with no choice but to spit in our server's face and burn the restraunt to the ground. The blood-curdling screams of the other diners did get quite intense near the end of the horrible inferno, but I feel good having stuck up for the principle of the thing.

I ordered the Admiral's Feast, which is an assortment of various batter-fried sea meats served with a pathetic little pile of reheated vegetables (baby carrots and sauteed squash) that I could only imagine were unhappily ladled onto my plate from some neglected, lonely bucket in some stainless steel corner of the cook's quarters.

As expected, the bounty of deepfried shrimp and scallops were exquisite for the first three minutes, before suddenly becoming inexplicably disgusting.

The biscuits, however, were hot and fresh. Biscuits, you get an A+.

SMOKING CATS CASH THEIR FIRST NEW PAYCHECK AND GO BUY A WIRELESS ROUTER THAT WAS ON SALE FOR ONLY $65.00 -- HEY, THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD DEAL!

Hi so I'm posting on my blog, High Plains Business Loop, again so that means I found a job. The job I found is as a recruiter for a La Jolla market research firm. They are paying me $9/hour to call folks from their consumer database and screen them to see if they qualify for focus groups. I ask them questions like, "do you wear contact lenses?" and if they do I ask them "okay, and are you a male between the ages of 18 and 29?" and if they say they are I say "alright, and do you regularily participate in outdoor sports or exercise activities?" and if they tell me they do I respond with "I see, and how many hours per week do you estimate you participate in these activities" and so on and so forth until, hopefully, I've booked several of them for the study and mail them out a postcard with directions to our office and then maybe go take a break in the breakroom or do some data entry or call moms about organic baby food brands they prefer or talk to people who have a total annual household income of $40,000-$65,000 if they purchase fruit-blended smoothie beverages from speciality shops or pre-made ones from grocery stores more often and if the former option, could they please tell me which.

They have me working 4o hours a week and I get paid lunches and breaks, so the money is adequate. The 60+-minute commute from my parents' Caucasian Palace at the Homeowner's Association Ranch to the swanky white-collar glitz of UTC is a real fly in my Pellegrino Sparkling Water (that is an obtuse analogy for an unpleasant facet of my new job) but I needed the money and now I have the money, so I'm not complaining, even though I just did.

And like I said, I went to Fry's this A.M. and purchased a great new wireless router for my Cyberwebbery. I'm typing this on my lap-top in the living room and preparing to transmit to the Cyberweb wirelessly. INCREDIBLE. Like McDonalds, I'm lovin' it.

There is also new and cool stuff to talk about, like the new Silver Jews album or the free passes to a waterpark in Irvine Melissa scored for us, and things like that or not at all like that, but I will discuss it later because my computer battery is all like "help me I am dying please save work immediately" so bye

SMOKING CATS STUB OUT THEIR CIGARETTE BUTTS AND PICK UP A COPY OF THE CLASSIFIEDS SECTION

Hi friends. I'm not going to post in this blog any longer until I can find a job. My worker's comp checks finally dried up last week, and though I've been looking for real income (the kind that isn't simply a pleasant surprise every two weeks) for a while now, NOW now is the time to really get moving on that so I don't ruin my life and the lives of everyone around me. So, nose the grindstone. Seriously. I didn't even put a nice picture up to accompany this entry, so into that grindstone my nose is.