R2D2'S INTERNAL PORNOGRAPHY

From the Dust Congress:

"Diminutive Star Wars actor Kenny Baker stopped complaining about his discomfort inside robot R2DT during filming for the sci-fi saga's final episode - because the film crew plastered its interior with pictures of naked models.

"The 70-year-old star dreaded filming the first five Star Wars films because the awkward metal outfit was unbearable, but his work on the sixth installment, Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith was more tolerable because he shared the costume with pornographic images.

"He explains, 'The lads surprised me one day by sticking a load of Page Three pictures inside R2D2's head. I got inside and wondered what the heck was going on.'

"'I got cross-eyed looking at everything in front of me. But it was rather nice. It made it a lot more bearable.'"



Over the weekend, I spent some time volunteering at the Earth Day Fair at Balboa Park. I spent four hours on Sunday with Melissa at the I Love a Clean San Diego booth. The fair looked fun. The kids certainly seemed to enjoy it (sans distracting politicization), and there was no shortage of sights and sounds. In fact, several times I felt precariously near to becoming dangerously overstimulated.

But oh! The ugliness the wandering gang of Christian fundamentalists brought to the park. Let me tell you. Directly to the left of us ILACSDers lay the temporary headquarters for the local Islamic Peace Front -- something to that effect. They were Islam and represented themselves as such. Along comes a three-tiered gang of Christian derelects hoisting enormously-sized signs, some painted to cardboard, some affixed to wooden full-body suits, some towering tens of thousand feet into the air (with the pole secured in one man's crotch-area belt sling for extra support). Painted onto the signs were terrifying Pro-Jesus slogans. You know the type. "HEATHENS, CONVERT!" "JUDGEMENT IS NIGH!" "LIARS, SODOMITES, WITCHES, JEWISHES, EVOLUTIONISTS, BUREAUCRATS: TURN OR BURN!!!"

So the team of zealots spy the Muslims and lean in for an unwelcome fight. From the little I could overhear, their tactic was to strike at the Holy literature. Something about "no, no, the Koran is so full of lies it's ridiculous." One older Christian really got into it. All a-huffing and a-puffing and wild gesticulations, stamping his feet, arching his brow, stray flecks of spittle exploding from his mouth, big fat belly puffing out, big fat red face swelling under the warm California sun, armpit moisture rapidly accumulating on his white, long-sleeved cotton custom hot rod dertailers t-shirt. "You don't know what you're talking about!" "You're wrong!" "My religion is right and yours is wrong!! You should be my religion instead of being yours because mine is right!!!" I couldn't help but walk right up to the guy and offer him one of the brochures on where to take used motor oil for recycling. He wasn't interested.

Anyway, the planet survived, and these hot-headed clowns came within another few weeks of cardiac arrest. Meanwhile, I handed out free ILACSD license plate frames.