SURPRISE!

San Diego mayor Richard "Dick" Murphy has just announced, not five minutes ago, that he will be resigning as of June 15th. The low-quality Republican politician, who is a devoted husband and father, was recently included in a recent TIME magazine feature entitled "The Three Worst Big-City Mayors," and will be replaced by ex-Van Halen singer and tequila advocate, Sammy Hagar.


Mayor Hagar.

In last week's TIME article, Dick was included with Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick (responsible for cutting 3,000 city positions and ending 24-hour bus service while maintaining his 21-person security detail and the city paid nearly $25,000 to lease a sport utility vehicle for his wife) and Philadelphia Mayor John Street (making the list because of "naked shakedown for donations to Street's 2003 re-election campaign" by one of the mayor's close friends and fundraisers).